I am no longer in Colombia, but still very much feel like a gringa living in my own life. In DC. I left Medellin to take a good starting position at a large nonprofit in DC doing fundraising. It’s what I always wanted! It’s been almost two months now, but I have been in the safety bubble of living with my best friend. Now she is leaving for her next adventure and DC has become my single(s) pursuit.
If you know me at all, you know that I tend to aggressively hate new things in the beginning. This is despite the fact that I knowingly and willingly jump head first into the deep end (I can’t swim so this is a big deal). However, DC is different for me because I have lived here before and fucking loved it. DC was always the home I wished for if i was to ever live in the U.S. Again… what I wanted right!? Yessss. Lately I have realized how often I have to tell myself how lucky I am. I have the job I set out to get. I’m living in my dream city. My friends are amazing. Every day, my struggles barely compare to others.
But I think that by constantly reminding myself to be happy, I am pushing out other real personal goals. I tell myself what I have is great. What else is there? Be happy.
My best friend told me this story of an incredibly successful colleague. This woman is young, but she rose up in her field extremely fast and was destined for some big things. Then, unexpectedly she just up and got married, ready to have kids and all that. Stepping back from her career. Everyone was puzzled. But what she said was “it’s ok to only want to focus on your career. Have specific goals. Be selfish. Don’t worry about all the stereotypes around you, just do you. But always, always, be sure you are making that choice. Make sure you are choosing to focus on your career and not just defaulting because love isn’t right in front of you. If you want to choose love, that’s ok. If you want to choose work, that’s ok too. Just always be making that choice.”
I find myself checking in more to be sure I truly am happy with the things (and people) in my life. But I’m also starting to question it more too. What is my time worth? Am I ok with what I do every single day? Do I want love in my life? I’m not sure if I will ever have accurate answers to these questions, but I’m at least one step closer to living true to me.