I’m convinced. The only reason why humans begin to want to have children is because it condemns them to never be alone again. Well hopefully, unless you raise tyrants or you yourself are one.
As I sit in this incredibly small airport on a teeny tiny island in the Pacific Ocean, I think about how I have been straining, lately, to think of all the reasons I have to be thankful. I am lucky. I am in love. I have good health. I have a good life. Yet, I struggle to see the light to help me make hard decisions.
Something isn’t right. I wonder if it’s because I’m not learning? I wonder if it’s because I’m sad. I wonder if it’s because I miss my friends or my family. I have a good life. This is what I wanted. Want.
But then I start wondering, when does the need switch happen? Why do we, women in particular, feel the need to change our stages of life so quickly? I feel as though I’m waiting for it to happen to me. Or maybe it already has and I’m only just noticing/discovering it. I hate this. I don’t want to always want more. I want to be content with what I have, always. Not complacent though, that’s incredibly different. Complacent is comfortable and comfortable is fearful and fearful is sad. No gracias.
I know my view is narrow because I don’t have children. I don’t have a husband. I have a minuscule size family. I tear myself away from my comfort zone and family and friends CONSTANTLY. But do I have to reverse all of my decisions just to experience. To know better. Why are people always questioning my lifestyle?
I am on this journey to learn how to be. I’m not sure what that entails. Job, love, friends, family, home, what? I guess there is no right answer, I just that I have to learn with whatever I get myself into.