Reality Check Complete With Tears.

Of course as soon as things begin to feel easier, the culture shock wave gives me a reality check. This week is miserable. I am unreasonably emotional and I feel like I am stuck inside a video game that makes no sense and has no rules.

My responsibilities at work are almost comical. Google this, make a list of that, think about this. I don’t understand where these tasks are going and I am suddenly slapped with an apparent deadline for a project that actually has tangible consequences. Shit. I am off my game, because the rest of my work day feels meaningless.

When I am approached about all of this, I just breakdown into tears. This is the first real, tears won’t stop cry, since my friend left Medellin the first time. My boss feels sympathetic and offers some good advice. I manage to swallow my embarrassment and try to organize my life.

I set a meeting with my first boss, who is working remotely for like the next year (it’s really a little over a month, but I can’t handle it), to discuss long-term strategy/thinking/goals. I also take advantage of meeting time with a higher up to talk through my frustrations and get his outlook on these long term issues I’m seeing. 

I feel a bit better, but I am still stressed beyond belief about that project I missed out on. Unfortunately, I have no control over the matter. Whatever my job asks me to do, I have to be realistic about my capabilities and if I can complete the tasks given to me.

All I can think of is my long weekend planned to go to the beach. Sun. Quiet time. Absolutely nothingness.

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